When a child arrives wired and buzzing, the parental instinct is to calm them down. This makes it worse. The overloaded nervous system needs to discharge, and attempting to suppress that discharge extends the dysregulation. Instead: 'You have 5 minutes to do whatever your body needs. Run, shout, jump, whatever. Timer starts now.' The explicit permission removes the social pressure to contain which is itself a regulatory load. After 5 minutes of sanctioned movement, the natural come-down is significantly faster than if the parent spent those 5 minutes trying to enforce calm.
What you need
- Timer
How to do it
- 1When the child arrives clearly activated: 'You have five minutes to do whatever your body needs.'
- 2Set a timer. Step back. Do not redirect, comment on, or react to what they do.
- 3When the timer goes off, move to the next thing. The discharge is complete.
Variations
- If the child won't move or says no, don't escalate. Offer once more quietly: 'Or you can just move however your body wants right now.' If still no, let them be. The discharge will come another way.
- When the timer goes off, move to the next thing. The discharge is complete. No commentary on what happened during the five minutes.
💡 Parent tip
Do not comment on what happens during the 5 minutes. Even if it's impressive or funny. Commentary creates performance pressure, which re-engages the social self-monitoring the child just spent 6 hours doing at school.
What your child develops
- Regulatory permission — naming and sanctioning a physical state rather than suppressing it gives children language for their physiological experience
- Interoception — 'whatever your body needs' invites the child to read their own internal signals, building body awareness
- Faster recovery — active discharge followed by natural come-down is faster than attempted suppression
Safety notes
- Establish 2-3 physical limits before starting (no hitting furniture, no going outside unsupervised). Keep the limits minimal.
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