When children are in conflict over a specific resource: 'Make a deal. Tell me the deal you're making.' Both state the terms they've agreed on. Parent repeats them back. Both shake hands. Done. The handshake turns a verbal agreement into a social contract that both children participated in creating which means both have ownership over whether it holds.

How to do it

1"Make a deal. Tell me the deal you're making." Then actually listen.
2Let them negotiate. Don't suggest terms. Their solution holds better than yours.
3When they've landed on something: repeat it back clearly.

Variations

Korb-Tür: If they can't negotiate or they stall, say: "You have one more minute, then the timer decides." Impose the coin flip or timer if they won't move.
Ausstieg: After the handshake and agreement, step back completely. Don't monitor whether it holds. If it breaks, they come back to you, and you restart from a coin flip or timer — don't renegotiate the deal.

💡 Parent tip

Resist the urge to suggest the terms, even if you can see the obvious solution. The deal only works as a contract if both children arrived at it themselves. A parent-suggested deal is just a ruling with extra steps.

What your child develops

Self-generated resolution — a deal they created holds better than a ruling imposed from outside
Negotiation practice — arriving at mutually acceptable terms is a real skill practiced in a safe context
Social contract anchoring — the physical handshake creates ritual closure that children take seriously