Each child goes to a different room and does something specific for five minutes. Not a punishment — a job. The physical separation removes the proximity that fuels the conflict, and a concrete task gives attention somewhere to land other than the argument. Reunification happens after five minutes, usually into a calmer atmosphere.
How to do it
- 1"Separate jobs. One to the kitchen, one to their room. Specific tasks: tidy the counter, make the bed."
- 2Five minutes. Then back together.
- 3Don't revisit the conflict unless they bring it up themselves.
Variations
- Korb-Tür: If they refuse to go, point once and walk away. Most children will follow you or the job once you've assigned it. Don't stand there managing.
- Ausstieg: After five minutes, call them back with one statement: "Jobs done. Come back now." No review, no praise, no comment on the conflict. Just reunion.
💡 Parent tip
Frame the task as a job, not a punishment: 'I need this done anyway' rather than 'go to your room.' The dignity difference is significant. Children comply more readily with a job than with a banishment.
What your child develops
- Proximity regulation — many sibling conflicts are proximity-fuelled; physical separation reduces arousal without requiring emotional processing
- Task absorption — a simple task occupies enough attention to interrupt rumination about the conflict
- Natural dissipation — most sibling conflicts at this age resolve on their own given 5 minutes of separation
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